When you’re organising events with others, every once in a while (like maybe three times a year?) someone says or does something that feels like are they really trying to be helpful or it kinda feels like they’re just trying to put their oar in?
This is great! We need more oars!
You might say, hang on what if all the oars aren’t pulling in the same direction in time with each other?
Well that could lead to some delightful splashing about hehe, sounds fun!
I’ve not heard that phrase before?
‘putting ones oar in’ means when someone makes a contribution with the purpose of feeling heard more than doing what is needed?
Similar phrases are like ’too many cooks spoil the broth’. or the concept of ‘bikeshedding’.
However, these are all a bit negative?
Maybe if someone is dipping an oar, they’re telling you something indirectly?
Maybe they’re saying ‘I’ll like to have more of a role’ - awesome!
Maybe they’re saying ‘I want to do <this> but I’m not feeling ultra confident’ - that’s great - an opportunity for someone to take part AND build their confidence!
Sometimes it feels like people are being overbearing or paternalistic or even patronising - but we are supercollaborators (humans) and this is a very natural thing to happen - we want to help - we all have egos (healthy) - and we all have feelings (healthy).
most people are getting better at leading - as opposed to pushing? - and when they put their oar in you know they are on that journey and its always great to see
once
a long time ago, someone once said to me ‘hey lets put on an event together’
in reply I said someting very mean - I said - how about we put on two events - twice as good!
then we can help and support each other and we will won’t be tempted to fight bcos we are independent, yet we can still pool resources.
And it worked! sometimes its better to disappoint someone a lil bit and then have a great time.
its kinda a bit like setting boundaries (or is it the same thing)
and you should absolutely be setting boundaries as much as you can.
I used to be terrible at it, but I’m getting better and its really helpful
you feel a little guilty
but then, I mean, now when someone says no, or prioritises themselves - I’m like super amazing! congrats!
anyway, the two events went ahead and after my friend said, y’know, that was actually a good call, thanks.
teaming
we all love teaming up - which is brilliant! but sometimes we need to channel the energy forward instead of sideways
but you don’t achieve this by moaning, you listen carefully - what is that person telling you - they want to help - they want to be heard.
maybe they are building their confidence (most people should be at most times?)
maybe they need something you can give them to channel their energy into?
maybe YOU are just a bit tired (and so grumpy) and trust me I have developed that into an art form! hehe
sometimes
somtimes things get more challenging when there is a lot of energy being channeled into one thing and you can’t really avoid that.
Which is nothing to complain about! A lot of energy being channeled into one thing - that’s brilliant!
Learning a lot in the process about each other and how to work together? That’s super awesome too!
sometimes the silver linings are the thing itself :)
bonus content
I went to the delightful (and delightfully named) CUAK conference yesterday, whoop!
It’s going to happen again! lovely.
We might be able to use as a venue for workshops, yay
I got a lil thing (lanyard) that says “I’m doing my best” - love that
People did unexpected talks, wow!
felt great about a wider scene of creative-y computer-ologists :)
and the main organiser Mike said that it was inspired and energised in part by the live coding scene - so you’re all doing an amazing job!
plus, as ever I was able to make mistakes (like talking too much, forgetting things, getting someones name wrong multiple times, and more). We try to avoid mistakes, but its good to remind ourselves that we can’t get everthing right. Doing your best is enough <3